Confession: Sometimes I feel like I am still the pathetic girl I was in high school acting in ridiculous ways to get attention from a guy. Except now this is directed at my 15 year old son. I don’t know what it is but I am finding it really difficult to let go of my little boy. I can’t even think about this verse from Puff the Magic Dragon without crying:
A dragon lives forever but not so little boys; Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys
I often wake up in the middle of the night in what might be an anxiety attack over the fact that I may only have two or three years left with him at home before he’s off to school. I basically do anything he asks of me (which is 80% food preparation and 20% taking him places) just so I feel like I have a relationship with him. He is a great kid. He isn’t doing anything wrong – except growing up too fast.
The movie ‘Otherhood’ on Netflix comforted me a little because I realized that if someone made a movie about this very topic then clearly I am not alone.
I am grateful that Nicholas is healthy and happy and growing up as he should be. I know I need to focus more on that because this is the way it is meant to be. But still…
Is anyone else feeling this way??? Or what do moms who have been through this have to say about this? Help!
OMG I am finding it so hard. Thank you for writing this blog!! How did it happen so quickly? We always knew that our children would eventually grow up to be these incredible independent adults. Its what we worked so hard to accomplish with them as we raised them. And yet now that we are here, I am feeling lost! Mark is 17 and Sierra is 19!! The roles of parenting have shifted: we are now co- living with young adults which presents challenges. Between their work schedule, school and friends we take whatever time they give us. When they come and talk to me I stop what I am doing and try to give them my full attention. Honestly I feel this pressure to say the “right words” or to bestow something insightful”. Ha..I should probably get a book to get some professional advice!! Unlike their childhood, we as parents actually had a lot of time to figure things out but with this new stage, we really don’t know how much time they will give us. I feel that the way I respond to my kids now will greatly impact the relationship we will have with them through adulthood. No pressure!!!
‘Co-living with young adults’ is a great way to put it. I feel like we have raised Nick and now we just have to be here for him. You have two great kids and you are great parents. But you’re right, there is pressure to be there in the right way and not push them away.
I can’t listen to ‘Landslide’ without bawling my eyes out. Or ‘Cats in the Craddle’ for that matter.
This quote gives me comfort.
“Note ye how easily, where unity existeth in a given family, the affairs of that family are conducted; what progress the members of that family make, how they prosper in the world. Their concerns are in order, they enjoy comfort and tranquillity, they are secure, their position is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such a family but added to its stature and its lasting honour, as day succeedeth day….”
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá: Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 279)
I agree with you on those two songs! And thank you for sharing that beautiful quote.
I read this blog and thank good I have an older sister to prepare me for and comfort me for all that is good and bad to come. And now, I will go back up to my 6 year year old son’s room and watch him sleep and thank god for this precious time I have:)
Right?! You still have your little boy. But now that he knows all the words to Kiss songs, I’m not sure how little he is anymore!
Oh my friend, you are definitely not alone. I feel the same way about Liam. You and I have 2 incredible 15 year olds and I know, at least for me, that I am not even close to thinking about having an empty nest. I will do anything I can just to spend a few extra moments with him because I know one day that time will come when he won’t need me as much. Xo
Thanks, Becky. I have offered to Nick that he can just live here forever. I love Liam.
My baby boy just became a daddy! Every stage has its ups and downs so treasure them all! They never really leave you! They just go on to new adventures and share them with you!
Congratulations!!! And those are comforting words.
bahhhhhh. . and now I’m bawling thinking of the same scenario with my son. I too have had those mid night wake up attacks of ‘SLOW down’ this precious time!
It is precious. And hard. And I think that’s how it always will be?!
I can’t even find the words to write a comment that makes sense to anyone else but you. Coming here to Australia has, I feel, given me “a little extra” time as the friendship circle has shrunk but the BFF (XBox) is still there lol. When he flew to Perth (3.5 hour flight away) I though I was going to have a breakdown … but hid it from him. Lori … I get you 🥰💕
I miss you. Yes, you have created a bubble for your family. We will be back in Vancouver soon and I’m sorry I will have to miss getting an epic hug from you ;(
Lori. Our “boy” will turn 30 this December. He can still bring me to tears. This is the gift of great love, that our heart is always for our children. I was proud and fiercely protective of him as a young boy. Struggled to let him grow up as he was my baby, and now absolutely marvel at the incredible man he has become. I learn from him, I trust his wisdom, I love sparring with him as we are both super opinionated, and everyday am grateful for his presence in my life. He is my boy, my grown son, my strength and conditioning coach, my critic in all the best ways, and my friend. While it was not always easy to let go, the relationship we share as adult to adult is one of my greatest gifts. So hang on, enjoy the days as they are, and look forward to what you will share together as he becomes the man he is to be.
This gives me hope! Thank you.
I feel the same way as a grandma, so I feed him eggo waffles, take him to lunch and out for wings and drive him places too. Remember Nikki’s advice😊
Yes, the advice that sounds like ‘we can’t go back in time but are back in time now so do what you would do if you could go back in time’. Sound right? And yes, you do spoil him. Big time.